No Ultrasound, No Epidural

"Wow, that's a huge needle!" I said to my friend as we watched the anesthesiologist give his wife an epidural. At which point we both started feeling a bit feint and were told to leave the room if we couldn't handle it.

Although I've never produced a child myself, I have witnessed the birth of four babies and watched the transformation of many friends and clients as they've gone through the phases of pregnancy. Which gives me enough of an understanding to confidently   use this analogy to share my story.

Right now I feel like I'm nine months pregnant. I'm uncomfortable. I'm moody. I'm snapping at people for no reason and I cry easily. What I'm birthing is completely foreign to me. I have no idea what it's going to look like. If it's a singular creation or twins or  perhaps even triplets. I'm not sure if it's related to my current work or if I'm going to move in a completely new direction. Worst of all there's no ultrasound to take a look see to help me prepare. Only I know what it is I want to create and yet, oddly, I can't seem to figure that out.

Which brings us to the pain. Wow, there's a lot of pain involved in letting go of what's comfortable! And pain in not knowing where this is all going to lead. And no damn epidural to ease the pain! All I can do is surrender to the process and know that it will not go on forever. Sooner or later all will be revealed. Until then I am focusing on the joy I know is coming my way. The joy of discovering my calling and fulfilling my soul's purpose.

Given my fear of needles and my love of surprises, I'd say in this case I'm glad I don't have access to the marvels of modern medicine. I can handle this delivery with the love and support of my friends. No Ultrasound, No Epidural ~ No Problem!

Embracing Creation

Refreshingly Honest

"Hey, let me know if you ever want to learn to surf," Jon Rose quipped as I walked by the room he was sitting in at Newport Spine and Sport. I had just started working as a massage therapist under the tutelage of Tim Brown and Garret Andersen and the place was always teeming with pro surfers and skaters. Jon was sporting a mohawk and the attitude that any twenty-something under contract to Quiksilver is bound to have, but there was something sincere in his offer. I put it in the old memory bank.

Fast-forward to 2005 and I find myself sitting on the beach at Thalia St in Laguna sharing my near-drowing story with Jon. Assuring him that he has his work cut out for him if he's going to get me into that water! Jon patiently listened and then he grabbed my hand and walked me into the water. "Okay, first I'm going to teach you how to duck dive," as he explained the specifics. He continued to hold my hand as we dove under countless waves and for the first time in years I felt safe in the water. When I finally stood up on a weenie 2ft wave Jon exclaimed, "Ha, look at you Shantel. Riding with all the groms!"

If I wasn't prepared for Jon to be so compassionate, I certainly wasn't prepared for him to be so open. He'd recently published his first book Towards Miles, in which he was refreshingly honest about his journey through life. We whittled away the rest of the afternoon discussing life, love and family as I helped him finish clearing out of the house he had recently shared with his ex-girlfriend. "I just think people throw in the towel too quickly these days. No one wants to put in the hard work."

Putting in the hard work is second nature to Jon Rose and he's finally hit his stride with Waves 4 Water (wavesforwater.org). Jon is on a mission to provide every person on the planet with potable water. Seems like a daunting task and yet he's making incredible strides. After experiencing first-hand the lack of clean water on a recent trip to Peru with my mom, I decided to give Jon a call. I actually managed to catch him during a rare moment at home and he was more than happy to answer my questions and hook me up with filters which I then sent on to a non-profit in Ollantaytambo.

My original lesson with Jon Rose may have been all about learning to surf, but over the years he has given me so much more. He's been an example of how to live a life of integrity...say what you mean and do what you say. In short, he has been an inspiration and I hope you find something in his story to inspire you as well!

Jon recently did an interview about finding your life's purpose. It's a bit on the long side, but there are some golden nuggets in there. Check it out if you have a minute! How to Find Your Calling

Is this really the best I can do?

I woke up this morning completely and utterly depressed. My life is just not at all what I want it to be. In fact, it's an absolute struggle. Most frustrating of all is that I created my present reality. Ugh, really? Why the hell would I have created this?

You see I fully believe that our thoughts and words are the foundation for what manifests in our lives. So since I believe that to be true, I have no one to blame for my current miserable state of affairs but myself. I spent all morning irritated with myself knowing I was 100% accountable for my own suffering. 

After wallowing in self-pity for a spell I had one of those lovely Aha! moments. But wait, if I created this reality and am willing to take responsibility for it...then clearly I am able to create something else. How empowering is that?! I don't have to wait on someone else to fix things to turn my circumstances around. I alone have the power to change my life.

This realization kicked my brain into problem-solving mode. How did I get here? What thoughts created this condition? The top answer was my old nemesis...FEAR. Fear of standing in the truth of what I want to do with this life. Fear of not being good enough. And the biggest fear of all, my attachment to my identity as a sports massage therapist.

Sports massage is what I've done for twelve years. It's what people know me for. It's where my entertaining pro-athlete stories come from. In a nutshell, it's my identity. My ego is hooked in to that identity and is freaked out that my soul wants to change the rules of the game. In short, my ego (aka, Inner Mean Girl) is sabotaging my ability to move forward by undermining my self-confidence.

My life didn't suddenly improve on the outside after this day of reflection. But now I have the awareness of the underlying belief that is holding me back. Through healing my inner thoughts, my outer reality will begin to shift. It's time to get busy putting that Inner Mean Girl in her place!

Spring Cleaning

Spring is simply my favorite time of year! I've been busy washing the salt-spray off my windows, turning the soil in my backyard and preparing it for seeds, and weeding, weeding, weeding. Whew, those little buggers can sure spread fast! 

My yoga teacher, Catherine, gave me a great tip for non-toxic weed control. Boiling hot water poured directly on the leaves kills the plant instantly! Perhaps not the best use of water in drought-ridden California, but better than supporting Monsanto and spreading chemicals into the ocean!

Become a Locavore!

Do you simply love the idea of supporting local farmers yet find yourself too busy to hit the farmers market? Well I'm happy to report there is an easy and cost-effective solution to this dilemma! SLO Veg works with local farmers to provide you with a great selection of veggies delivered right to your door. The other really wonderful thing about their CSA is you can choose how much and how often you want a delivery.

According to the SLO Veg website: Community Sustainability is more than just an idea, it's a way to live, learn, protect, enhance and replenish those things immediately around us. It is a way of life! SLO Veg was born out of this need for local sustainability. By serving as the direct link between the areas local farmer and you the consumer, several critical sustainable actions occur simultaneously.

Massage as Medicine

A friend recently sent me this article from the Wall Street Journal titled Don't Call it Pampering: Massage Wants to Be Medicine. Not sure what's taken WSJ so long to get with the program. The article doesn't uncover any new medical findings as all the benefits they mention I learned when I was going through massage school 12 years ago. Nonetheless, I'm grateful for any and all reiteration of the health benefits of my work!