I woke up this morning completely and utterly depressed. My life is just not at all what I want it to be. In fact, it's an absolute struggle. Most frustrating of all is that I created my present reality. Ugh, really? Why the hell would I have created this?
You see I fully believe that our thoughts and words are the foundation for what manifests in our lives. So since I believe that to be true, I have no one to blame for my current miserable state of affairs but myself. I spent all morning irritated with myself knowing I was 100% accountable for my own suffering.
After wallowing in self-pity for a spell I had one of those lovely Aha! moments. But wait, if I created this reality and am willing to take responsibility for it...then clearly I am able to create something else. How empowering is that?! I don't have to wait on someone else to fix things to turn my circumstances around. I alone have the power to change my life.
This realization kicked my brain into problem-solving mode. How did I get here? What thoughts created this condition? The top answer was my old nemesis...FEAR. Fear of standing in the truth of what I want to do with this life. Fear of not being good enough. And the biggest fear of all, my attachment to my identity as a sports massage therapist.
Sports massage is what I've done for twelve years. It's what people know me for. It's where my entertaining pro-athlete stories come from. In a nutshell, it's my identity. My ego is hooked in to that identity and is freaked out that my soul wants to change the rules of the game. In short, my ego (aka, Inner Mean Girl) is sabotaging my ability to move forward by undermining my self-confidence.
My life didn't suddenly improve on the outside after this day of reflection. But now I have the awareness of the underlying belief that is holding me back. Through healing my inner thoughts, my outer reality will begin to shift. It's time to get busy putting that Inner Mean Girl in her place!
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